Adventure is out there!

Humph, I really set myself up well with this one. 

I now have a small audience and that means accountability to being honest and raw.

Awesome!!!

......oh my god!?!?!?  Scary!!!  I started thinking about this yesterday after I started my blog.  Honestly (lol), I had a minor panic attack sitting on my couch as I was waking up from a nap.  I was very proud of myself for starting a blog and starting something where I would be free to share whatever I wanted.  And I started thinking about all the things I could write about.  I’m sure I will have new material as I continue this thing called life and if I don’t have something to write about that day, then I have my past at which I can dig.  It’s really exciting to have a voice that isn’t clouded or fake.  But holy wow, it’s scary too!

So my argument with myself goes a little something like this:

   “What if I am so honest that I loose any of my jobs?  Like I said... I’m pretty curious and I like to explore.  This is what I always say about my first kiss experience: “He was really drunk and I was really curious! (plus, he was super hot!).”  Still makes me smile."  

   “Well, Erica, that’s what makes life exciting.  However, fear of what people think has held you back multiple times before, so now it's time to break free.”

   “But what if I get curious about illegal things?  Like stealing or drugs?  Or what if I kill someone??  Do I have to blog about that stuff too?  I’ll go to prison AND loose ALL my jobs!!!!!”

   “Really?  You wouldn’t kill anyone.  Well, maybe a bug, but I don't think that counts.”

   “So just to be safe I won't say anything risky on here."

   "Do I limit my honesty?  So am I then 100% honest about only a certain percentage of my life?  But that’s not what I set this up for, I want to be 100% honest!  I want to be real!”

.....................................................................................................................................

Oh dear.  See what I mean?  I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.  I’ll feel it out and I’ll know what I need to do.  

I'm not so much afraid of sharing opinions that might offend people.  Or discussing what I'm thinking about that will make me look bad to other people.  And I want to say that I’m not afraid to lose my job and going to prison will result in a really good story.  I’ll blog while I’m in there!  Haven’t you seen “Orange is the New Black”?  I’m sure I’ll have good material in prison.  And if I lose my job, that’ll open a door to something else.  But the truth is all those ideas do scare me.

Hahaha... now if I’m realistic, I’m sure that I won’t be fired and that I wont be sent to prison.  But still the idea is a bit haunting.... and thrilling!  (dreamy look in eyes) .... a life full of adventure! .... sigh...  :)

As Peter Pan says:

“To die would be an awfully big adventure!” 

 ....and....

“To LIVE will be an awfully big adventure!”