“Loving our selves through the process of owning our story
is the bravest thing we can do.”
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| If I stare really intently I might be able to focus through these super thick glasses... |
I recently have been looking into some of Brené Brown’s
stuff. “The Gifts of Imperfection”
is now on the top of my reading list.
For those of you who don’t know, Ms Brown is a shame and vulnerability
researcher. I have friends who
absolutely love her and what I’ve heard from her is quite fantastic.
Shame.
“Shame is an epidemic in our culture.” It’s a pretty darn sneaky one too. I didn’t even understand it until I
heard her distinguish the difference between guilt and shame. “'Guilt' = I’m sorry. I made a mistake. And 'Shame' = I’m sorry. I am a mistake.” Shame is the piece of me that thinks
I’m not good enough. “Shame is the
intensely painful feeling that [I am] unworthy of love and belonging.” I use shame to stay away from the game of
my life and I use it to keep from kicking butt at living my life and
thriving.
According to Ms Brown, the three things that keep shame
alive are secrecy, silence and judgment.
Those three things are powerful foods for shame. I have reached out vulnerably to
friends and family in the past and have felt like I got the shit beat out of me in the process. And therefore I have
made-up the story that it is unsafe to be vulnerable. However, “shame cannot survive being spoken and it cannot
survive empathy.”
So again I am reminded that this blog is a place for me to
speak about my shame, to speak about my guilt, to have empathy for myself, to
learn to love myself for who I truly am, and to be authentic.
“Share with people who have earned the right to hear your
story”. ... I think about this and I don’t have an
answer yet. It’s at the back of my
mind as I write, and that’s ok.
I have shame around many areas in my life. I want to be specific about what some of my shame is...
I feel shame around being a "christian", that I am a mistake to my upbringing. (Disclaimer: I do not feel shame in how I interact with God and my relationship with him or rather his amazing relationship with me.... uh, wait, I'm defending myself, I'm trying to prove that I'm not a terrible mess-up ... bleh, oh well, I'm leaving it.)
I feel shame around being an adult. I am afraid that I won't be able to take care of myself.
I feel shame around being a good enough friend to my friends and girlfriend to my boyfriends and my capability of being marriage material.
"Worthiness has no prerequisites!" :) Awesome! I can chose to claim worth. I do not have to live in my shame anymore. I chose to love that I am imperfect and I chose to know that I have worth... not because I am or do anything at all really but simply because I am Erica. and that is all.
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| Randomly added: picture of my beautiful friends in NYC with Kelli O'Hara after the most spectacularly heart wrenching musical "Bridges of Maddison County"! |
Here is a link to a Ted Talk by Brené Brown:
Also, all quotes above are from Brené Brown.
