Happy Birthday, Self!

My life is wonderful.  My soul is satisfied.  My friends are so amazing!! (past and present)  My work is fun.  My house is nice.  My bed is finally comfortable after 2 months of backaches.  My room is cozy.  My hands finally got to do another reflexology session after too long of not practicing.  My church is real and I can relax there.  My energy work is growing along with my spiritual practices.  My days are full of smiles, sunshine, sand, yoga, surfing, and good people.  I am so incredibly happy here.  My heart is alive.  My energy levels are higher than I thought they ever would be.  Being happy gives me energy, who knew?

I am working at a nice restaurant in Newport Beach.  The people there are wonderful.  The costumers are pretty great too.  I work at a place that I am proud to be a part of.  I’m proud to serve the food that tastes so amazing and I’m proud to be serving alongside a team that is all about teamwork as we all look out for each other.  I feel so incredibly lucky and God blessed that I found this place and that I got hired here.

Karrah and I are starting to get to know each other better and better and working on communicating about the hard things.  We are so incredibly different and yet the same.  I am blessed to be living with such a wonderful, giving, strong, human being.

I used to not like the beach much because I didn’t like how the sand stuck to me uncomfortably.  But it’s starting to grow on me... ooo weird.  It’s not growing on me, I’m not becoming the sand man.  Lol  But I like it.  I used to like when my car got muddy from driving up a muddy mountain road, because it made me feel a part of nature; rugged and wild.  And I’m starting to feel a part of nature too when there’s sand layered inside my car and stuck to my feet and all through my clothes.

A seal swam by me the other day when I was swimming at the beach closest to my house.  Another day, I sat on my surfboard and watched the sparkling, shimmery fish move beneath the waves.  And another day watched a dolphin swim by the row of surfers just off shore as I soaked up the sun and watched the birds dare the ocean waves to catch them as they ran away from them.

The sunset the other day was one of most magical moments of my life out here.  The colors stretched all the way across the pre-rain clouded skies.  The best part was being able to share it with my new friend, Ryan, who enjoys sunsets about as much as I do.  Without being self-conscious, we both were able to FREAK out about the oranges, yellows, reds, blues, purples... it made us late to a glow in the dark yoga class because we had to take some pictures.

One of my co-workers just moved out here about the same time I did.  She’s from Montana and she’s quickly becoming one of my favorite people.  I can laugh so much with her and she’s very similar to how I am.  I attribute it to the fact that we are both mountain girls that grew up in the “fly over states”.  There’s something special about mountain people!

I spent the night last week at Joshua Tree with Naomi and Jeremy and they were wonderful enough to let me climb a route with them before I had to go home.  Joshua Tree is so close to my house and such a wonderfully amazing desert wonderland.  The rock formations are scattered across the land like a giant playground for adults.  I felt like a lizard climbing all around on the sticky rocks.  

Sometimes I get very lonely out here.  I am making friends and staying busy doing the things I choose to do.  But my heart still aches sometimes.  It’s ok.  It’s ok to be sad sometimes and it’s ok to feel alone in the middle of a crowd.  However, I’ve had an epiphany.  It goes something like this.... “what if every time I think I’m lonely for someone’s company, I’m really just lonely for myself and/or lonely for God?”  I’ve started using my loneliness to indicate when I need to be more of an introvert and spend some time meditating, praying, painting, walking, or sitting and watching the sunrise light up this beautiful place that I’ve found to live.  The results are wonderful. 

This move has been scary for me.  I have felt many times that I wouldn’t be able to do this, that I was being stupid, that people would take advantage of how nice, giving and compassionate I am.  I have felt too many times to count that I wouldn’t be able to afford life, that I wouldn’t have enough money.  But you know... one of my life mottos has always been “go big or go home”!  And sometimes you have to risk it all to gain it all. 

Underneath every worry I’ve ever had I have the comfort in knowing that I am following my path and following God and that, because I am, I will be ok, no matter what... even when I fail, I will be ok. 

My birthday is next week.  And if I could have one birthday wish, it would be a place to practice Reiki Reflexology and classes to learn more about alternative healing.  I haven’t seemed to find anything yet, but I will.  I know that I honestly can’t go long without doing my passion, even if it’s giving it away.  I was born to do this.

Hmmm the ocean breeze in my hair, the sticky salt on my skin, the sun warming my heart and friends with whom to crack a smile.  This is home for the next year of my life.  Happy birthday, self!