1. If i can keep detached from my hopes, expectations and dreams, then I am much happier with the way things turn out.
2. If I keep detached from my hopes, expectations and dreams, then my heart is closed.
3. If my heart is closed then I am cold and distant from people I love and from things I care about... On the one hand, it's nice. I still enjoy everything to a certain extent and it's safer to play for my dreams because I don't really care if I get them or not. One the other hand, I feel so numb and disconnected, and as if my heart doesn't exist at all.
4. Some people communicate so differently than what I am used to, specifically with the people they say they love and care about the most. It is common for them to snap at and not listen/interrupt the people they care most about. However, when with a complete stranger, they always smile and listen without interjecting. That's confusing to me... (I have theories, but I'll save that for another time when I'm not as hurt by it and therefore can talk about it with an unbiased and unscathed perspective)
5. I am craving physical touch that is in no way sexual. I see that I am seeking that touch because I didn't get it when i was young, especially from my father. I see that every man that I pursue or allow to pursue me, I am looking to heal that part of my past/heart. I also see that men are not the ones that will heal it. In fact, they most likely will re-traumatize that part of my heart over and over again. I say this because that has been my heartbreaking pattern. And I am now aware that I am the only one with the power to heal that hurt place in my heart, by letting the ultimate healer into my deepest desires and wounds and doing the work.
6. People change depending on their surroundings and circumstances. That's just how it is. And it is good to see how people change to get a fuller picture of who they really are.
7. People are so afraid of looking into their own pain and faults that they, therefore, would rather spend their time pointing out the pain and faults in others... and that doesn't mean that I have more pain and faults than the people around me. It just means that I am being used as a scapegoat. And that's ok.
8. The more I realize that humanity shares predominately the same pain as I do... that it's not "my" pain, it's "the" pain, the more I have compassion and the more I want to be of service to the world. Because as I work to heal others, then I, in turn, am healing myself.
9. I value doing what I say and saying what I'll do. And I lose respect for people who don't value that as well.
10. It's not wise to travel where the universe is not pointing me to.
11. I am happiest when I can be helpful to others. It gives me a purpose to my life.
12. My consideration for others and my desires to be around the ones I care about can be perceived as "clingy", "needy", "insecure", "immature" and "codependent". ... this one I'm not sure about. It's making me stop and think. Multiple people have told me the same thing, so I am deducting now that there must be some truth in it somewhere. I don't see it yet, because from my perspective I am just loving, being considerate, respectful and fully enjoying their company. But I hope I do see it and that can be changed. Because I would much rather my intentions be perceived rather than what is being perceived right now.
13. There is a spiritual realm. There are spirits in pursuit of creation. There are spirits in pursuit of destruction. When I come in conflict with the spirits of destruction I can feel it, and sometimes they get really nasty with me.
14. My network of friends, family, and supporters is one of the most amazing and valuable things in my life. Thank you all for being there for me and loving me and telling me the hard things even when I make you feel bad for doing so. I am so fortunate to have people in my lie that care about me. <3
No comments:
Post a Comment